The first question you might be asking is, “WHY,” and that’d be fair. The truth is we didn’t create this for any self-motivated reason. We have to have one. This beautiful display of bureaucracy is how we signal our compliance with US policy surrounding PII or Personally Identifiable Information as well as other global stuff like GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations.
If you are a voracious reader, maybe you could hit those up next?
By using our website, you’re automatically agreeing to the terms of this document. Sucks, right? Not if you actually read on. We’re the good guys.
The Bottom Line
If you don’t actually have time to read the whole thing, here’s a quick summary.
The name of our company is Oldspeake. From George Orwell’s classic 1984. We were inspired to create a company based on the primary value that the voice of the people matters more than anything Big Brother is up to. So you don’t have to worry about us gathering up a bunch of data and selling it to the highest bidder. Or any other grossly capitalistic shenanigans. We use your data to make your experience better. End of story.
Yep, we use them. So does every other site you visit. We’re guessing that you don’t like the sound of us saving your browsing history while on our site, storing data you’ve submitted, and generally hanging on to your old stuff like a hoarder. Well, the truth of the matter is that if we didn’t, you’d be pissed off that things don’t work properly. Do you stay logged in to Facebook 24/7? You’ve been eating that monster cookie for years. That cookie is the size of Antarctica. Our cookies are crumbs in comparison. But, if you hate the way they taste - you can turn off cookies in your browser settings. Let us know how that goes.
Big Brother Site Tracking
So, the most Big Brother-y thing we do is use Google Analytics and Hubspot to track our website traffic.
Google Analytics gives us top-secret intel like what blog post you all read the most and how many seconds it took for you to bounce off of this webpage. And, Hubspot tells us when someone we’re stalking in real life, you know - the old-fashioned way - actually visits our website.
We also use LinkedIn’s pixel to share relevant content and measure how many people view it. But, who cares about what’s happening on LinkedIn?
None of these make YOU visible to us. Most of the data we gather is in aggregate - showing us trends and quantitative numbers. But, they do know your IP address. Just sayin’.
Data, Data, Data
Everyone’s always talking about big data. At Oldspeake we mostly have little data. Seriously.
We capture and store your name and email address when you sign up for our e-newsletter, register for an event or request a piece of content. Notice that in all these cases you are giving us this data. Whose fault is that?!
We use this data only to deliver what you requested. Sometimes that means sending you our email newsletters or reminding you about events you’ve signed up for. Again - you did that!
If you want to unsubscribe from an email list, there is always a link at the bottom of any email that lets you do that. You know, the way email has worked for the last 20+ years?
We would never sell or share your data - even if you gave us permission to - we still wouldn’t. Because that isn’t our style.
The CAN-SPAM Act is a law that everyone should be grateful for even if it doesn’t go far enough. It sets rules for commercial email and gives recipients the right to stop email from being sent to them. There are even penalties for violations - but those don’t get levied often enough in our humble opinion.
We collect your email address in order to:
- Send you stuff you’ve asked for
- Respond to you when you reach out
- Market to you if we’re stalking you IRL (Before you freak out, this just means business development outreach)
- Send you transactional emails like contracts, billing and other obvious and essential B.S.
To be compliant with CAN-SPAM, we agree that we will:
- Not lie or mislead you with fake subject lines or from names. Seriously, this is a thing we have to promise because assholes out there are doing this.
- Identify the type of message you are receiving and why you are receiving it.
- Include the physical address of our business.
- Make sure our third-party email marketing service (Hubspot in this case) is also compliant with these rules.
- Honor your opt-out/unsubscribe requests quickly.
- Allow you to unsubscribe with a link at the bottom of each email.
We are informing you - right this very moment - that you have the right to be deleted from our database. If you decide that you are so annoyed you can longer stand it, you can send an email to email@example.com and request that we remove you. Seems like an aggressive thing to do, though.
If you decide to go with the nuclear option here we’ll remove you from Hubspot which will automatically unsubscribe you from our email.
As of this writing, we use LinkedIn as our primary social channel, but in the future -who knows?! Maybe we’ll be on TikTok before you know it.
Any additional use will be documented here and I’m sure you’ve already set up a Google Alert to get notified about it.
California Online Privacy Protection Act
According to CalOPPA, we must (and do) agree to the following:
- Users can visit our site anonymously.
- This policy is available on the homepage of our website (actually on every page).
- You can change or delete your personal info by contacting us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Last updated: March 23, 2020
LASTLY: Many thanks to Writer’s HQ for showing us that there is a way to write these ridiculous things with personality. While we didn’t plagiarize their version, we borrowed heavily from the tone and structure which was very helpful. Even though they thoughtlessly only covered the stuff relevant in the UK. Thanks, anyway.
-Your friends at Oldspeake